Sketches include: 'The Pub Chat', 'The Wedding Party', 'Christmas Day at the Klondyke Saloon', 'Lefty and Sixty', and 'Pinocchio II: Killer Doll'. Musical guest Elton John sings 'Candle in the Wind'.
On Christmas Eve Ben surprises the others by explaining that he has not bought a turkey as he has won a pig in a raffle. Unfortunately it is very much alive and extremely aggressive,soon eating the family out of house and home. They take it to a farm in the country to join other pigs but it refuses to get out of the van and in desperation Bill phones Battersea Dog's Home. Christine appears and agrees to take the pig but by this time it has given birth to a litter. The cast celebrates with a rendition of 'Rootin' Tootin' Santa Claus'.
Tina is going on a two-week Mediterranean cruise for Christmas so the Porters drive her to Southampton docks,where Ben crashes into the captain's car and the crew's van. Bill,Ben,Rona and David go on board to see her off but discover that the ship has sailed before they can disembark. Whilst they hide Tina tries to sneak them meals but is side-tracked when elderly lecher Fletcher takes a shine to her so Ben dresses as a waiter to steal food but ends up serving the captain's table. Rona finds herself on stage with the ship's dance troupe whilst Fletcher transfers his attentions to a disguised Bill. Finally they are put ashore - in a life-boat, in time for the finale song, 'Be Kind To Your Parents'.
